HPA and GSMS Grade Eight LA
A Chilling Splash
A burst of mist left a salty taste in my thirsty mouth as the waves crashed on the side of our brand new boat. The baby blue sky was a canvas for the golden afternoon sun as it grazed my face and neck; freckles erupted everywhere. With my head tilted back, I lounged on the plush seat and observed the breathtaking scenery. The calm royal blue water glistened with light and the magical emerald green trees made the day even more spectacular.
“Ouch!” my son Kevin yelped, interrupting my serene thoughts. I quickly glanced in his direction and a nervous feeling fluttered into my stomach.
“Stop!” I cried with as much energy as I could muster as I realized that my two sons were rough housing. Oblivious to my plea, the boys continued pushing and shoving vigorously. A meek sigh escaped my parched throat, my exhausted brain giving up. My eyelids began to droop and I decided against punishment, figuring my husband would take care of the situation. The distant sound of laughter and movement lulled me into a light sleep.
An ear shattering scream and a chilling splash snapped me back into consciousness and my head shot up. My heart pounding, I lunged to the rescue.
Highlight the strong verbs, sensory detail, and strong sentence structure. What do you think the picture was?
Hitman
A flipped page broke the silence in this lonely apartment. Aleksandras looked out the window. The polluted grey sky dimmed the evening sun; the sign of life in the sky, was no more. The chipped paint and eroded walls signalled that the building was on the verge of demolition. Aleksandras scanned his surroundings. Making sure no witness was present.
He glanced at the gun: the soulless black paint mirrored Aleksandras’ image. For the first time ever Aleksandras was afraid of his own reflection. What kind of monster had he evolved into?
He quickly looked away, trying to forget his job, but he couldn’t. He could only think of the money he was going to earn so he could feed his family: unemployment was murder.
Aleksandras paced around the room. His footsteps echoed silently. Thoughts rushed through his head as if it were a stream. Should he do it or not. Time ticked away; his target would soon be in range.
Aleksandras came to a decision. He would not look at his target’s face. Thus he wouldn't be emotionally scarred by this experience. He glanced out the window and briefly saw his victim. He swiped his gun and pulled the hammer with his thumb. Shaking nervously, he pointed at the somehow overdressed person. He closed his eyes. One shot echoed over the entire neighbourhood, but it could not block out the woman’s gut-wrenching groan. Her infant bawled.
Highlight the strong verbs, sensory detail, and strong sentence structure. What do you think the picture was?